For a while now, I have been pushing myself along and believing things in life will get better. Just as a light is seen through the mountain of crap falling around me, something else is dumped on.
Being a followers of Christ I have done my utmost to follow the written Word and yet nothing good is happening. I dare not question, but sometimes doubt filters through and I am confused. When I see this same confusion mirrored in the face of my daughters....I wonder how I can dare to not believe.
For twenty-six years I have been the only parent. Watched them grow from preemie sickies into beautiful women. I have become the epitome of the 'angry Black woman' Giving selflessly, refusing to break and cry (though I have wanted to) and struggling through. At least that's a description I read on a blog somewhere. Sounds like a parent to me. Somehow I believed things would be different for the girls. They were reared in the church and have so much more knowledge about Christ than I did at their ages and they haven't crossed the roads I have been down and yet they have to suffer the same. I have sometimes wondered if religion (Christianity) evolved as a form of security. Something to give us a resemblance of hope when all else seems lost and is it really real? How dare I just believe in someone's ideals?
The other day the youngest asked what was the use in prayer? Nothing changes. It has been (all capital letters) horrible the past 4-5 years and I'm lost as to what to tell her. Friday I brought her to the doctor and we were told to find her a cardiologist. Dang. I dare not say things can only get better (anymore) because it seems to bring on the deluge.Honest to God, sometimes I just can't bare to hear another platitude. I need a miracle, a surprise, a something....
I told her I have been having this dialogue with God and so far He's letting me vent while He's mulling over the problem. Eventually, I'm sure He'll remember we need His help and will turn around and see us tugging on His robe. As for today, the light bill has gotten payed, all of my daughters have waken. Two have hit the highways and I continue to dare and believe.
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Entertaining Your World And Designing Eternity. I am a caged in frustrated author of thought provoking, mind bending novels, an occasional step-in parent, vocal on social injustices, a fountain of knowledge, and ready
to share. I write what I would like to say and I mean everything I write.Before being destroyed by Hurricane Ike, I lived
in a nice home and owned a home-based childcare center and that’s me and
my writing life in a nutshell.
On the blog Debney Nichole Armstrong's Journal of Lies, my character Debney from D.N.A. discusses her life and sometimes interviews other YA characters. http://dna-bloodtiesandlies.blogspot.com/ Here I have no schedule either.
I am a caged in frustrated author and self-publisher of thought provoking, mind bending books, an occasional step-in parent, a fountain of knowledge, and ready to share. Visit Wade-In Publishing http://wade-inpublishing.com where hopefully I share writing, publishing information.
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