Zeal for Your Own Life

Best Blogger Tips

I saw this picture of myself a family member had posted on Facebook of all places and at first I wondered (and took a second look), who is that? I look at myself once in the morning and never really pay attention to what I look like or who I am. Have you ever wondered who you really are? Whose skin are you really wearing? Are you just your mother’s child? Your husband’s wife? Your children’s mother? Who are you at work? Church? With your acquaintances? It’s amazing how the skin gets kneaded and transformed when peer pressure is pushing on you. From the day of birth we are constantly trying and somehow succeeding in changing ourselves to fit into whatever skin that is pushed our way. I used to wake up before the sun ready to do it--whatever it was. Lately I am having the hardest time trying to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to be doing in life. And have wondered where the zeal has gone.

As long as I can remember I wanted to be an artist and then I wanted to write. How happy I was when I realized I could do both. How I fell into the field of childcare I don’t know. I used to not even like children. I constantly hear how I have a gift from God, this is where and what I am supposed to be doing…yada, yada, blah, blah, blah...you know the words. Over the past few weeks I have been feeling as if my skin has been stretched around this profession by those around me and I am about to pop a thread. 
I believe writing a blog really helps, because as I write the answers to my thoughts always come forth.

It's not that I want to stop working with children it is the knowledge that my world around me is really changing. My main reason for working from home was to be with my daughters. My daughters are remolding me from the 'mommy skin' into the mother skin. The youngest has graduated from home-school and the middle daughter (my first college graduate, the eldest will graduate soon)has bought her own home. Life has changed. I have been their instructor in life for twenty-six very close years and the new skin that's trying to take over is grating. I feel like I'm a butterfly stuck in between the cocoon and the free world and just like that butterfly I need a moment of rest.
 
This year I'll be 52 and I'll shake out the wrinkles of this new skin and hopefully be a whole new me. The me I have always wanted to be. A published writer. I have set my goals in stone and if I have to throw them at this glass wall that's holding me back from the finish line of success, I will.  And I guess with my new venture into self-publishing, I have.
To put life in the perspective of the letter 'Z" and its placement in words. It may be the last of the alphabet, the last in line, but when push comes to shove it more often than not stands tall and begins at the beginning. Even when everything else ends. See more Z on my Wade-In blog.
I loved the A-Z challenge.

4 comments:

Raquel Byrnes said... Best Blogger Tips

I find blogging quite cathartic as well. Most of the time I was writing with no followers and I really was writing just for me. lol

The Voice said... Best Blogger Tips

I read your excerpts and found myself wanting to read the rest. Very nice.

Thanks for stopping by my site.

arlee bird said... Best Blogger Tips

Blogging can be quite the exercise in spontaneous writing as well as thought out pieces. It can service many purposes just as you have shown we each play many roles in our lives. Sometimes it can be hard to maintain the zeal, but the zeal is in living to our maximum potential.

Thank you so much for what you've added to the A to Z Challenge. Always thoughtful and intelligent, you have been an uplifting force to all of us who read your posts. Hopefully, more will discover what you have to say.

Look forward to your post for Monday.

Lee
May 3rd A to Z Challenge Reflections Mega Post

Ellie said... Best Blogger Tips

I can so relate to this post; I have lost my way, moving so much and
trying to clear the path to my career and me! It is tough to do, but you must listen to what is driving you, your passion!

I look forward to hearing more of your voice!

Congrats on finishing the challenge!

Those Feeling My Voice